3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
