I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
