so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
