He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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