whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
