Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
