No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
