evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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