when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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