well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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