Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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