Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
