Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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