I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
