its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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