This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
