i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize