We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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