YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
