The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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