dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They took my balls.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
