There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
