everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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