I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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