i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
