woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
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We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
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When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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