I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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