I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
