fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
