You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
