I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
