life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize