I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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