sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So squirting runs in the family.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
