Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't turn off my feet"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
