I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
