My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
