I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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