I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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