I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
