He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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