Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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