Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
