I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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