At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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