Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
