So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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