im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
