Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
