How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
