I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
