can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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