Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I cockslap morals
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
