If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
