There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
