I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
