Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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