No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
