I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
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I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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