She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
