Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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