guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
