Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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