help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
