these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
