I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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