You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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