He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
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Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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