In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
