I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
