why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
