When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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