my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
