The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
