sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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