i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
