Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
