Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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