Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
