we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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