my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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